The break up and the break down (How to move on quickly from a break up)

The first time I realised the importance of moving on quick time from a break up, was when I started dating one of my neighbours. Whilst I was grieving the loss of our ‘warped relationship’, I could hear him blasting his music full volume in his garden opposite. I became terrified of bumping into him at the corner shop, and there was the nervous excitement every time his car or truck drove through my area. I was an emotional minefield and the whole estate became a danger zone. So how do you move on quickly from a break up? The rules of engagement are below, check out more answers and articles from me on http://redebony.blogspot.com/


Here are the rules of engagement

If you value your sanity, don’t call them unless your chirpily saying I hope me and you can still be friends. Whether their consistently nice to you over the phone, asking you about your family, work, friends the point remains they broke up with you and they broke up with you for a reason.

You may not get it, they may not have given you all the answers or any answers at all, but you have to make up your own mind and move on. A break up is really about space, you are empowering yourself by allowing yourself and that person the space to know what they want. Calling them consistently to ask questions doesn’t change anything, or trying to convince them you guys can work through whatever it is can often be wasted energy. The reality is they left a long time ago. On some level whilst they were smiling at you, laughing with you, inviting you over, they had already made up their mind that they would leave. Some would see that as a sort of betrayal. If you believe a lot of the problems stemmed from things you did, and your willing to change by all means put up ‘your’ fight. Be warned that if or when you do get back together with that person the hands of power would have shifted. You’ll be expected to do the emotional tip toeing in the relationship, and have to pull the charade of being someone else. Unless you’re a serial killer, cheat, murderer, rapist or some kind of terrorist, is the self sacrifice particularly worth the hassle, or is there someone else out there twice as hot with less the trouble?

Refuse to get your wires crossed. If your ex keeps calling to see how your doing, using words like I miss you, talking to you like their still in a relationship with you and begging to hang out…don’t hop and skip just yet. Unless their asking you back into a relationship or saying I want to be with you I just want us to take it slow then you can start doing the groove.

Most ex’s call to see how the break up is affecting the other person, how you’re ‘surviving’ the break up. The ego is a funny thing, on some level they want to see that they were important enough to have an impact on you, and on another level their craving the drama of a break-up even though their telling their friends ‘they hate all of this’. Many people will never admit to such a need, because not only does it have negative connotations but it also threatens people’s ideals of themselves by making them feel very dysfunctional.

Don’t hang around waiting for them to show you ‘something’. Go out with friends. Party till you’re the last person on the dance floor, visit the cinema, attend events that you would have never gone to with your ex, get down with your bad self, and let others see your enjoying your own company.


Going out on dates is a great way to focus your attentions elsewhere, glamming up, new conversation, networking and taking your confidence to greater heights. Don’t compare the new people you meet to your ex, having a laugh…good, comparisons…BAD.

Everything your feeling, write it out in a journal or ask loads of questions on yahoo answers, answers is amazing when your going round and round in your head about something your ex did or didn’t do. Confronting your ex can help, but be ready you may not like what you hear. Or even worse they may tell you exactly what you want to hear so they don’t feel guilty. You don’t want a pity party; you just want the motivation to move on peacefully maintaining your self esteem. Dignity is key in this; you don’t want to cringe years later when you see that person.

Exercise as much as possible, do a studio shoot or even better contact me and I’ll take some really hot photo’s of you, being an on location freelance photographer and all.
Publishersgirl@yahoo.co.uk or my cool blog http://onesourcemedia.blogspot.com/ Put the new pictures of yourself all over your face book or my space, announce every time your closer to a goal, and write loads of info about your recent adventures. Infact blog about it. Apply for that job you’ve always thought was out of your league; join a dance class or gym class.

Make your ex aware of what they’ve just done; they’ve just put you back out there on the open market. You’re the next hot thing!

Otatade Okojie(http://redebony.blogspot.com)

MILLION DOLLAR BABY

Can one person attract a million pounds?

This coming year one of my aims is to attempt to attract a million pounds through my blog. What? Noooo that's ridiculous right. Actually not so much. The law of attraction states, you are what you attract. Human beings are a magnet. You can draw with your energy a positive feed; financial abundance, romance, joy, peace BLAH and BLAH some more, or a negative feed...SHEER LACK and misery.Okay, maybe not just this year, maybe a whole lifestyle change to see what happens. Could i be mad, experiencing an early midlife crisis, on the bottom rung of a truly desperate ladder? Not really.

I've seen the law of attraction pop up so many times in my life. I also think it's good to challenge your beliefs and see how far you'll take them. It's like extreme believing.

IS LIFE AFTER UNI SO SUUUUUUCKY...OR IS IT JUST ME?

Is uni a waste of time?I was, i still am supposed to be one of those kick ass people that comes out of uni, has this BOSS job somewhere as a magazine journalist, or a successful business enterprise. I actually feel like uni was just about me getting into debt, learning that i was a 'social entrepreneur' and having a crush that never actually went anywhere. You have this dream in your head, this picture you paint so clearly to everyone around you. This is who i am, this is who i'll be. You get out of uni and you realise it was almost a bubble land. It's been almost a year and my feet still haven't landed. I thought it was just me, but everywhere i turn, most people i've spoken to are casualties of university. OCCUPATION LIMBO, or if they have a job the whole office is using strategic bullying tactics to keep them out, or ensure they know their place.
The system educates us about all this academia stuff, WE TEACH YOU LEARN. People get so brainwashed, it's as if your not just fighting for status in society, your consistently fighting to keep Your own personal identity.
I keep coming across or reading about people making truckloads of money, millionaires that didn't even go to university. Granted not everyone that didn't go to uni ended up a millionaire, there are some real horror stories people are too embarassed to tell you about. But then why is it that some of the richest people in the world (athletes, actors, singers, sales people, businessmen), are in occupations that didn't 'especially' require a degree, and there's a world of ' CLEVER', 'SMART'
'INTELLIGENT' people out there still sniffing around for a paycheque. '
What does everybody think?

ATTACK OF THE SHY GUY

Is it me or is the whole female population being attacked by the illusion Shy men come with less drama than the rest of em. I'm not on this whole i hate guys flex, but i was thinking, women on a whole make it easy enough for guys in the first place. As soon as a woman hears a guy is shy, she's already looking for ways to overcompensate for him. She'll make the initial conversation, she'll do the asking out, maybe she'll iron his clothes and tie up his shoe laces for him as well.

I get it. It's nice to come across a guy that's not overly egotistical, prances around like a royal pigeon, and 'does actually' want to hear what you have to say for yourself. But what about the other side of a very dusty coin, the pro longed over analysis to your friends, the 'mental exhaustion' of trying to make conversation, one woman's quest to turn a man into a baby. Shyness is not who a person is. Their just cautious when it comes to a certain aspect in their life, it could be old insecurities, a fear of rejection, he may think your completely out of his league. There are indeed some hotties that take some time to warm up, and when they do they're warm, sensitive, kind, BLAH AND BLAH SOME MORE, and there are some hotties...that just aint so hot about you. What do you think people?

CRUSH CONFESSIONALS!!!

HEY YOU GUYS IT'S CRUSH CONFESSIONAL TIME!!!

So you like a guy, or a girl. You can’t eat, you can’t sleep, their on your mind 24/7.

Fed up of walking past the mirror rehearsing what you’ll say 100 times over, acting shy when you see them, cold because your about to wet yourself as they’ve just walked in?

WELCOME TO THE CRUSH CONFESSIONALS!!!!
It can be in a letter, a note form, a poem maybe a song. You don’t have to name him/her, you can describe what they look like, smell like, mannerisms you like about them, a conversation the two of you had, and the best bit, exactly how they make you feel afterwards.

What would be the soundtrack to your crush, and what is your pet peeve about them.
Whatever your feeling…IT’S CONFESSION TIME!! Email our link to as many different people

If your feeling generous just click on the donate button above.

If your interested in being a guest writer email me at Redebony08@yahoo.co.uk

REJECTING REJECTION

Okay so he hasn’t called. You worked up the courage to show him how you feel, you went against everything you normally do. Wore a shorter skirt to look sexy, tied your hair in that comely way and used the eyeliner that makes your eyes brighter. Maybe you finally told him exactly how you feel about him, or even better asked him how he felt about you. The answer you were looking for is still locked away somewhere?

Romantic rejection is someone having the courtesy to tell you not to waste your time.
You don’t need to analyse their feelings anymore, you don’t need to puzzle about why fear is affecting him so negatively, while your fear made you passionate enough to express yourself. People are complicated, but if you keep things simple for yourself, situations don’t have to be. The person you want may not be the person you need right now. Some guys are a challenge and some women definitely love the chase, if your chasing him and he’s not tearing after you back. That means everything you want to believe is a fiction. Keep it (NMP) for the (SSS). Not my problem for my spirit my soul and my self.
Could he have commitment issues (NOT MY PROBLEM)
Did his ex have the ex affect? (NOT MY PROBLEM)
Did his fingers get chewed off by an enormous shark at the beach so he cant call or text. (NMP)
It’s not your problem. It’s his. Until he tells you what happened and you believe him, then it can be your problem. He’s enabling you rather than disabling you to be there for him and to show your support.

The giant lie people tell themselves about rejection is that their not enough. Life is tough, it’s hard to find a good man in times like these. If you think like this, you will always settle for the emotional scraps and cleverly diluted crap someone is willing to give you. You’ll eat the bait, be caught on the hook and be left dangling in the air over again. If someone likes you and they’ve got drama in their life they’ll tell you because they don’t wan’t you to just up and leave. They wan’t you to understand them, stay with them and give them a chance.

Sadly there are people out there that will convince you to stay put because either their needy and are tired of being left, scared to be left, or realised there’s a whole world out there your getting ready to see. There’s also ridiculously insecure people that don’t want you, but their confidence and ego is built on all the attention you give them. Action trumps mouth any day. Don’t just listen to what they tell you, look closely at what their showing you. If your confused, ask them. If your confused and you can’t ask them, that means there’s a lack of communication. Rejection comes in many guises.

Celebrate the fact that for now, you know exactly where you stand. This gives you the chance to create…Your own choice. What do I want from a relationship, what am I going to settle for, what will I absolutely not tolerate?
Have an image change. Dress yourself up like a celebrity, and strut down your streets like their your catwalk.

Go out with friends talk to them about what’s going on in their life try and give them as much advice as possible, tell them a bit about what’s going on with you but don’t dwell on it. You might bump into a guy you like or someone that might be interested in you. Give them the chance of at least a first date if theirs a vague attraction. You might have met a new friend or someone to socialise with.
If the topic of him is too sensitive for you, when someone asks what happened. Just say I made a choice. If you start with he did this or he did that, you make yourself the victim.

Empower yourself because no matter what rabbit someone pulls out of a hat, they can never take your power away unless you unwittingly hand it to them.
As much as you spend time networking and socialising, it’s important to spend time with yourself. Reading, writing, treating yourself to facials, mini feasts, or explanations in your journal.
It is tempting to go around his friends or family bitching about him, making comments and finding out what he’s been up to. Don’t, it shows you care too much.
It’s also easy to ring him obsessively asking why, and pushing him to tell you what went wrong, why doesn’t he feel the same way. If you plan to do it, don’t do it in an aggressive tone. Work out what you want out of the conversation. If anything you want him to be honest. Don’t pressure him otherwise he’ll say what you want to hear and everything will go back to square one, or even worse he’ll know how vulnerable you are and take advantage.

Don’t keep conveniently passing through his area, a man is a predator therefore he knows when he’s being hunted.
Don’t try and make him jealous. People make the mistake of thinking if someone is jealous it means they really like you. Jealousy is the outgrowth of possession, it doesn’t mean they like you so much, it means their arrogant enough to think your theirs. Don’t let jealousy be the main reason he finally decided to make his move.
There’s a law of rotation.It means they always come back, but wether you want them or not is entirely up to you. Have you noticed that people who were negative to you, suddenly pop out of the blue wanting to befriend you or get close to you. They suddenly want to hang out with you, take you out for lunch introduce you to their friends and family. Why is that? Because your energy relaxed, you stopped ‘NEEDING’ them to, and kept your distance. With the space you created a want in them. Ninety percent of the time people like to do what they want and take for granted what they need.

Finally, be attractive. That doesn’t mean be media manufactured pretty or pile on the makeup. Be positively centred and focus on building up a storage of vibrant energy, be a magnet that attracts good things and good things will come to you.


Otatade Okojie

TATA’S COOL BLOG!!!!

Hi everyone,


That's me!
Future bestselling novelist, poet, media sales guru and erm 'marketing consultant.' I am a freelance journalist and currently working on my first novel.
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WAYS TO AVOID LOOKING BROKE IN PUBLIC

1) DONT 'LOOK' BROKE. Invest in a suit that's well cut, and clothes that fit you nicely.

2) Dont blame the system. That's what broke people do.

3) Complain about all the people on welfare or signing on. Say "It's seriously affecting the progress of the economy".

4)Have one token white friend you walk around your neighbourhood with.

5) If someone asks what you do for a living say, " I've got this business venture i've been working on, i can't really say anything till the deal comes through. Too much competition".

6)Always give money to charity right in front of your friends.

7)When thinking of places to go, come up with really expensive places your friends can't afford. When they say they can't afford it go, " Well it's really up to you guys." If they come up with something you can't afford, talk about all the gun crime and knife violence in that area.

8)Wear expensive parfum or aftershave so you smell like money. Invest in good skin care as well, rich people like to take care of themselves.

9)When someone throws something spontaneous on you start padding your shirt and trouser pockets.
"Where's my wallet?" If it seems like they don't believe you, call the police and ask them what to do in the likelihood of a theft. Tell that person you need to go home your praying your credit card wasn't in it.

10)Get relatives to call your phone when your with friends. Ignore the call but don't switch the phone off. When they ask why your not picking it up tell them;

"People are so selfish sometimes. When i'm making money these people can't stop calling me, when i'm broke i never heard from them at all. USERS!"

11)When friends are calling you, miss the call twice then call them back;
"I'm sorry i havent called you, i've been so busy." Pause .then in a dreamy voice
"i cant believe things are finally happening for me. Hold on let me call you back."

12) Talk about dinner parties you went to. Even if it was a barbecue in your uncles back yard.

13) Invent a friend that seems to get you into all the high society clubs. When someone you know asks to come ?
"I'm not sure man i think he's gay, if you can handle that. "
If it's a girl say she's moving to LA and your happy to see the back of her
"Why?"
"She seemed kinda fake."

14) Get a market research job, 'the most boring job on Earth' tell people your in sales and marketing, a marketing consultant or a business aid.

15)Rich people talk rich. Talk about the expensive holidays you plan to go on, the riviera, Los angeles,the alps.Investment banking, property portfolios, and designer clothes.
If anyone asks you why you havent got these things say
" I'm a humble person.i don't want to rub my success in anyone's face."

16) If your tired of pretending, get work experience in somewhere that sounds nice.It will keep you busy for a while.


Mistakes not to make:
'Nigerian mistake' showing up in snake skin or crocodile shoes. That is so bush.

Decking yourself out in fake bling, people will think your trying too hard.

Don't get spotted at the job centre begging for jobs if someone does see you say your picking up a disability benefit form for your mum.
"So your mum's going on disability benefit, last time i saw her she was fine."
"Yeah i know , she fell down the stairs a week ago. We've got the wheelchair at the house."

If someone asks why your not driving a fancy car, say your family's gone totally green. "It's all about the ozone layer to us now."
If they asks why you havent bought a house yet. Start going on and on about the credit crunch or how the workers are still doing it up but there's fumes everywhere.


How you know people actually believe you
In an argument one of your friends starts shouting "You've changed man. You've changed!!!"

Sadly if you have to do all this to save face with the people that you know, there wasn't a real friendship there in the first place. A friendship with too much fiction, is an illusion of love. Stick to real people.
Real friends will try and sort you out with a job or find someway to help you with your career. Advice if your stuck or even better, contacts you can network with.


Otatade Okojie